White coat. Heels.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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