Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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