brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize