Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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