it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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