Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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