Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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