Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
