my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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