so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
