I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
