he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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