This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
