I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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