you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize