I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize