she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
