u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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