I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
