im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
