We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
