I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
