The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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