We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize