he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
