Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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