ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
