Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In other news, I just burned my penis
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
