is your mom at the bar?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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