I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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