Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize