There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
