Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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