The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
