: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
