Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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