And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
