I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize