Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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