apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
