Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
