Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
