I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
