So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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