So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
