I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
