dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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