There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think my mom watched the whole time
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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