i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
