Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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