Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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