I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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