i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
