Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
