so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize