i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
