What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
