I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I will die if light touches me.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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