You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
