ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
