I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
