Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
