i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
