that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
