On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
