People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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