it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize