She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
