you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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