drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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