I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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