I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
