dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize