guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
