physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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