You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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