like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
