i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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