why didn't you poke me back
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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