if you like me you must not know who I am
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize