U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
