He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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