btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
