Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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