what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize