Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
