he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize