Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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