Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
