how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize