Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's shark week go big or go home
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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