I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
