Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
