Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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