I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize