Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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