I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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