I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
