So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
