its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
