He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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