I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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