I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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