the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
