what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
