Already got asked if we're dating
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
These tits shall not be calmed
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
