That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
