the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize